OMG 4 DAYS TIL SURGERY!!!!

I'm getting a little anxious as the workweek is winding down.  I plan to be off work for 4 weeks.  I doubt I need this much time off, but screw it, I'm taking it!  I have not taken a full week off work in about 3 years and this is a good excuse to take that break and get refreshed.  I have prepped my job to handle life without me for a few weeks.  Hopefully the place doesn't fall apart in my absence.  You know, I think the whole "prep time" for surgery doesn't get the acknowledgement it deserves.  I have been prepping for weeks to be ready.  Between making sure my work situation is stable for me to leave, there are tons of factors that I needed to address.  Being that I live in NYC and own a car for one!  In NYC you have to alternate side park, which means moving your car daily so you don't get towed or get tickets.  Now I know this sounds like a pain in the ass, but I park in a garage for work, so typically this isn't an issue for me.  But planning to be off work for 4 weeks... that is a whole different story.  So I've made arrangements for my friend to babysit my car.  I've suspended parking at my job for the 4 weeks I'll be out so I don't get charged the typical $48/week to park.  This process is a project in and of itself.  I need to get my butt to the hospital the day of surgery, so for the first time in ages, my spoiled ass will be riding the subway.  Imagine that, riding the subway to get surgery.  Kind of funny to think about.

Aside from the car business, there is shopping to do for supplies post-surgery, there is laundry to be sure I'm not trying to lift crazy heavy items and so I have clean undies.  There is house cleaning to do, nothing like a dirty shower to contaminate my freshly operated on belly!  There is the time out with human resources to arrange.  All this stuff takes time and energy.  Now I'm not complaining, but I AM a full time worker and also going to school.  That's right, add on to the list, make arrangements with my professors to get some leeway with deadlines the week of surgery.  The list never seems to end!  

Needless to say, this can all be pretty stressful.  There are anxieties from the fact that surgery is 4 days away.  There are anxieties about being out of my office for 4 weeks.  There are general anxieties about the whole surgery and this entire process!!  And my coping mechanism for stress is off limits!  Food for comfort is off the table, so I'm left to my own devices to deal with all of this.  Now I'm not whining or anything of the like, but I can say that this post is definitely feeling pretty cathartic right now.  I'm looking at all that I've done so far, and all that I have yet to do to accomplish this goal.  I am committed to this change.  I am ready for the next step of this journey.  4 more days.  That's all I have to get through.  4 more days. 

11 Days Till Revision

Today marks 11 days until revision day.  I have been on my pre-op diet for 13 days and I have lost a total of 9.4 pounds (and 16.6 since my doctor's visit on 6/17/13!).  I have buckled down and gotten extra serious since Monday with the diet.  I was a teeny bit lax with my one meal a day a few times, justifying it of course by the fact that "everyone else only has to do 2 weeks!"  

Now it's all serious business. 11 days to go. 

Pre-op Dieting

I saw the nutritionist on Thursday. Unexpectedly she decided to put me on the pre-op diet right away. So rather than 14 days, I shall be on the wagon for 24 days. I was not prepared for that. At least not mentally. I made a pilgrimage out of NYC to Walmart in NJ in search of lesser expensive supplies. I've got enough protein to feed a small country. I forgot how much will power it takes. It isn't until someone tells you that you can't eat that you find yourself wanting everything in site. So as of yesterday I am on 3 shakes a day and 1 low fat, low calorie meal. I've lost 4 pounds since Thursday. Onward and downward!

August 5th

My surgery date has been set for August 5th. Revision here I come! 

I don't have ALL the same jitters as I had with my LapBand surgery, but I do have a renewed excitement. Thursday I will have my nutrition appointment to discuss all the pre and post op what to dos (and what to don'ts). Next week I'll be seeing my surgeon to sign my consents and get all my pre operative testing orders. In less than 2 weeks I will begin my pre-op mostly liquid diet. I admit I've got a little of the last-supper syndrome.   Having gone through this part of it before, I believe that it's healthy to just have the last suppers and say goodbye to the things you need to leave behind. There is a sort of mourning process that I had to go through for the lifestyle and foods that I needed to leave behind. Once again I am here doing it again.  Not that I can really have much stuff now that I shouldn't. I still have restriction in my band even though it has been empty for months. Bread is still a no-no. Same with many meats and dense foods. I am happy to say good bye, but it is a bitter sweet parting.  

So much to do in the next 3 1/2 weeks. Plans for what to do with my car (living in Brooklyn and being a street parker I have to plan according to street cleaning rules or ask a friend to take the car when I'm in the hospital or down at home). I plan to take off some extra time from work. A little more than I know is necessary, but I have the days so why not take the time! So... August is mine! I go back to work after Labor Day, thus I have to plan and prep to have the time off at work.  I pay bills from work usually so I have to get all that in order to do from home. And the list goes on... 

So as I was saying. The excitement is BACK. But I have so much to do!

I GOT APPROVED!!!

I just got approved for revision surgery and I could not be happier.  I am on top of the world.  I am waiting to hear back with my surgery date.  I have already cried.  I am on my way now.  Watch out world! Here I come!

Big Day Today!

I saw the surgeon today and we have officially submitted to insurance for approval for my revision to the Gastric Sleeve.  I reviewed the insurance requirements and I fit all of the outlined requirements.  I just have to pray to the universe that I get a good natured insurance worker to look at my request with a kind heart and say "well of course she's approved".  That is what I am putting into the universe to happen.  I should hear from them within the next week.  If all goes well I will have my revision at the end of July or beginning of August.  Just enough time to heal and get back in shape for school in the fall.  For now, I have to get back to the pre-op days of getting myself ready for the liquid diet and all that other jazz.  Keep your collective fingers crossed for me.  I can use all the positive energy you can all muster.

2 Year Bandiversary

Me and the Fiance (and some random extra boobs for those who are looking)

Today is my 2 year mark.  I thought it appropriate to get my butt on here and to do a little reflecting.  2 years ago, I had my Lapband put in and I was gung-ho ready to go.  I was single, determined and focused on me.  I had spent a couple months prepping to have my surgery.  Did my pre-op diet.  Made a friend on one of the forums, who till today is one of my biggest supporters.  She had her surgery 2 weeks before me with the same surgeon.  She has had some pretty impressive success.  She has lost over 100 pounds.  She looks phenomenal.  I however have not had as much success.  I have crossed some hurdles, but have not come anywhere near reaching my goals.  I decided to reflect on why. 

Firstly, I have a tendency to take care of others before myself.  I never put myself first.  Ever.  About two months after my surgery, a friend was going through a personal crisis and came to me for help.  Being the do-gooder that I am, of course I obliged.  This resulted in having a friend bunk with me in my apt for 2 months.  Round the clock stress, court dates, restraining orders, etc. all came along with this friend.  Things I had no business trying to help one maneuver while going through my own life transition.  It distracted me from my goal.  It took me away from my focus.  This was the beginning of my failure to succeed. 

Secondly, I was having a terrible time with my band.  I would get a fill, be alright for a while.  Have some success.  Be on track.  Lose some pounds.  Then kaplow!  I'd get stuck, or my monthly cycle would come and I would retain fluids to the point that my band would be tight beyond the point of being able to even get fluids down without issue.  I would then have an unfill, and wind up back at square one.  This would also come along with tons of issues at the doctor because my port is testy and doesn't always like to reveal itself too well.  I would be stuck sometimes 10-15 times, sometime by 3 different doctors/nurse practitioners, who all had to keep going because I couldn't even get in fluids.  Sometimes I'd even drive to northern NJ from NYC to see a particular NP because he was the only one who seemed to be 100% successful at getting into my port every time. 

Because of all the issues with my band disagreeing with me, I developed some pretty intense anxiety.  I was feeling depressed at my lack of success.  I was feeling angry for not being able to stay on task.  I was beating myself up pretty badly in the emotional department and I finally gave up.  My surgeon agreed that the band was just not for me.  I was one of those people who it just does not work for.  My body doesn't like it.  That being said, she discussed revision with me.  We decided that revision from the band to the Gastric Sleeve was the way to go.  That being said, we put things into motion.  I went for an upper endoscopy, another psych evaluation, bloods, etc.   All the prerequisite things necessary before surgery.  We submitted the request to the insurance company, and this is where I hit another wall.  Denied. 

My BMI was at 39.6 or something like that.  They require a BMI of 40.  (REALLY?? WTF!!!).  Then they also have a stipulation that it must be 2 years at a minimum from the original surgery for me to be considered for revision.  This was last September.  9 months would have to pass before I would be allowed to have my revision surgery.  Again I felt so defeated.  I considered going to Mexico for surgery and financing the cost.  I considered getting a lawyer to fight the insurance company.  I considered all sorts of things.  At the end of the day, I would end up having to bend and conform to my insurance company's policy and wait it out.  All the while not losing a single pound because if I did, I would not have a BMI adequate enough for the revision.  I need to get this band out.  Even with it completely emptied, I still get stuck.  I still have pain with every meal.  I still struggle. 

Lastly, I had lost motivation.  I did keep on walking.  Actually I have upped my physical activity.  I believe it is what prevents me from gaining.  I'm not losing and I'm not gaining.  I stay within the same 4-5 pound range at all times.  But my umpf has been gone for some time.  Until now.  Next week on Wednesday, I will be going to my surgeon to start the approval process all over again.  At least she has my back.  She has been totally supportive throughout this process.  Though I have not had the success that I would like, I have had some.  I have lost and maintained the loss of about 55-60 pounds which is no small feat.  Being that I still have close to 90 to lose, I am a long way from my goal.  I came back her because I need to return to being accountable.  Blogging helped me stay focused.  It helped me stay accountable, mostly to myself.  All this being said.  Happy 2 year bandiversary to me.  I wouldn't take back my decision to have had surgery at all.  It was one of the best life decisions I have ever made.  It was a decision that I made for ME.  I did this for ME.  I am doing the revision for ME.  There is nothing wrong with doing something for yourself.  It is the best gift you can give those around you, making yourself happy.

See you folks next week after the visit with the surgeon.  I hope there will be good news to report.  And for the record, I have not stopped reading your blogs, I just finally found my voice again after a hiatus.  I hope you all are still reading too.