Addiction

My name is Ivy and I am a food addict.  I have fallen off the wagon recently.  Due to a necessary unfill I have been able to eat way more than I should.  I need to get back to being accountable.  I have been out of the gym for nearly 2 weeks and need a kick in the ass.  Feel free to start kicking (or encouraging) away.  Calling all fellow banded buddies.  I'm attempting accountability.  Help a girl out here!

MASSIVE UNFILL... On the holidays??

I made it into the green zone!!!  Yayyyy!!!... scrrrrrrrrrrrt... Let's not celebrate too quickly.  I was sooo in the green zone.  I was happy, restricted, losing and all was right with the world.  Then I had a bite of steak.  Motherlovin steak.  The minute I swallowed it, I knew it was a problem.  I felt it moving down my gullet and thinking, please don't get stuck... please... please...  And of course.  Stuck.  I felt all sorts of stuck, so I just didn't eat.  At all.  Fluids for 2 days thinking that the steak had passed and that maybe I was just a bit inflammed.  NOPE.  After being stuck for about 4-5 days and getting inflammed to the point that water wouldn't go down, I relented.  I went to the doctor.  We decided to take out a large amount of fluid.  December 22.  I was so disappointed that I had effed up my newfound green zone over a dagnamit piece of steak that I didn't really want in the first place.  So I had a massive unfill.  They took me way down and had me drinking mass amounts of fluid to dislodge any and everything stuck up in my belly.  Unfortunately, it took about 7 or 8 sticks to get into my port.  I have a massive bruise about 3 inches in diameter in the middle of my belly.  Hematoma central.  Ugly as all get out.

I spent the holiday with a band that is wide open.  Surprisingly, I ate pretty darn well.  I must say that my habits are definitely changing.  Even though I knew that I could eat any and everything I wanted, I did keep it pretty tame.  I did take the opportunity to get a couple cravings out of the way that have been driving me a little batty since getting banded.  I had some pizza.  I almost served myself 2 slices and thought better of it.  I began to eat and found that I could only even get down about 1/2 of a piece.  After that I was satiated and didn't even want anymore.  Craving complete.  The other thing I wanted was a sandwich.  Good old regular sandwich.  And I had one.  Well, 1/2 of one.  I'm learning the massive difference between what my brain tells me I want and what my body shows me that I actually need.  It's a big difference too.  Tomorrow I go to get refilled.  I hope we can find my green zone again with this fill.  I pray that I don't have to get stuck 80 times to find my port again.  I might have a breakdown if I do.  And tonight...  in anticipation of restriction, I will have some sushi.  Kill that last little craving and get back on the wagon.  Even though I've been wide open for the span of the holiday, I have managed to only gain a whopping 1 pound.  I anticipated more, but it's looking like I was able to keep it together.  How was everyone else's holiday??

Filler up!

It's been a hectic and stressful couple of months around my way.  Thankfully I can say it is starting to ease a bit.  A few weeks back I had gotten an unfill to ease up my band.  With the stress at home, my apparent race to keep up with the speed of others eating around me, and will my lack of chewing skill I was getting stuck left and right.  Then I would absentmindedly chug some water on top of that... No Bueno.  So an unfill to take off some of the stress while I got myself back on track.  It was useful for a while, but as time went on, I noticed that I was able to eat most anything and I found myself pushing the boundaries while stress eating or when I was looking for comfort foods.  I needed to get with the program and realize that I HAD SURGERY FOR CRIPES SAKE.  So I booked an appointment with the nurse practicioner and headed off for a fill.  We decided to put in 0.5 mL.  This is the same amount that we had taken out previously when I felt too tight while under stress.  I was on clear liquids yesterday and today onto soft foods (though I only had a protein shake and a bowl of pea soup so far). 
Basically I had abandoned myself in my journey for a while in persuit of helping a friend.  While it's good to help the people around you, I think it's important to stick to my personal commitments to myself.  THIS WAS A HUGE COMMITMENT!!!  What the heck have I been doing?  So I'm officially back on the wagon.  Go me!