Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Emo... Super Emo.

So yeah... That's me there.  The one in the middle.  Yeah... 

So babies.  I want one.  Does my body listen to what I want?  Not so much.  I have been actively trying to get pregnant without much luck.  I am feeling stressed and depressed which I don't think helps the situation.  I was pregnant in the fall and lost it very early on.  Its amazing how you can sore to great heights then hit the deepest depths all in a 2 week time.  Since then we have been trying and trying again.  They say the fun is in the trying, but even the trying is starting to feel stressful.  I am now struggling with whether I  should just put off babies until after revision surgery.  I was going to have the baby first, revision after, but as the clock tics along, I'm struggling with my decision.  I never understood until now what women meant when they said that they felt a sense of failure at not being able to conceive.  I totally get it.  I have inadequate feelings all over the place.  I worry about the strain on my relationship.  I worry about the possibility that there is no possibility.  I worry about worrying.  I'm ready for a family.  This I KNOW.  My fiance is ready for a family too.  I kind of wish the pressure wasn't there.  Dont' get me wrong, he is NOT pressuring me in any way.  It's my own doing, my own brain, tormenting away...  I needed to get this off my chest because it is a weight that I am carrying around and not talking about.  I'm ready for a family with my man. 

I want a baby.
A super baby.
with a cape and fancy super baby powers.
Keep your fingers crossed.

signed: Wundy


  1. I'll keep you in my prayers. Have you seen a doc about it yet?

  2. My husband and I started trying 1.5 yrs ago and have suffered through 2 miscarriages in that time. I cannot even begin to express the emotional damage this process has done to me. It has messed with my mind and emotions worse than my lifetime of obesity. If you haven't talked to your OB/GYN about your difficulties, I urge you to do so even if you have to be obnoxiously insistent to get them to listen to you. After my first m/c I got patted on the head and told that "This just happens sometimes with 1st pregnancies" with no willingness to help me figure out what the problem was. It took a 2nd m/c and new, awesome Dr. to actually work towards getting to the bottom of what was happening. I am so sorry anyone else ever has to be faced with this issue but I sympathize with you.