Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Emo... Super Emo.
So yeah... That's me there. The one in the middle. Yeah...
So babies. I want one. Does my body listen to what I want? Not so much. I have been actively trying to get pregnant without much luck. I am feeling stressed and depressed which I don't think helps the situation. I was pregnant in the fall and lost it very early on. Its amazing how you can sore to great heights then hit the deepest depths all in a 2 week time. Since then we have been trying and trying again. They say the fun is in the trying, but even the trying is starting to feel stressful. I am now struggling with whether I should just put off babies until after revision surgery. I was going to have the baby first, revision after, but as the clock tics along, I'm struggling with my decision. I never understood until now what women meant when they said that they felt a sense of failure at not being able to conceive. I totally get it. I have inadequate feelings all over the place. I worry about the strain on my relationship. I worry about the possibility that there is no possibility. I worry about worrying. I'm ready for a family. This I KNOW. My fiance is ready for a family too. I kind of wish the pressure wasn't there. Dont' get me wrong, he is NOT pressuring me in any way. It's my own doing, my own brain, tormenting away... I needed to get this off my chest because it is a weight that I am carrying around and not talking about. I'm ready for a family with my man.
I want a baby.
A super baby.
with a cape and fancy super baby powers.
Keep your fingers crossed.