MASSIVE UNFILL... On the holidays??

I made it into the green zone!!!  Yayyyy!!!... scrrrrrrrrrrrt... Let's not celebrate too quickly.  I was sooo in the green zone.  I was happy, restricted, losing and all was right with the world.  Then I had a bite of steak.  Motherlovin steak.  The minute I swallowed it, I knew it was a problem.  I felt it moving down my gullet and thinking, please don't get stuck... please... please...  And of course.  Stuck.  I felt all sorts of stuck, so I just didn't eat.  At all.  Fluids for 2 days thinking that the steak had passed and that maybe I was just a bit inflammed.  NOPE.  After being stuck for about 4-5 days and getting inflammed to the point that water wouldn't go down, I relented.  I went to the doctor.  We decided to take out a large amount of fluid.  December 22.  I was so disappointed that I had effed up my newfound green zone over a dagnamit piece of steak that I didn't really want in the first place.  So I had a massive unfill.  They took me way down and had me drinking mass amounts of fluid to dislodge any and everything stuck up in my belly.  Unfortunately, it took about 7 or 8 sticks to get into my port.  I have a massive bruise about 3 inches in diameter in the middle of my belly.  Hematoma central.  Ugly as all get out.

I spent the holiday with a band that is wide open.  Surprisingly, I ate pretty darn well.  I must say that my habits are definitely changing.  Even though I knew that I could eat any and everything I wanted, I did keep it pretty tame.  I did take the opportunity to get a couple cravings out of the way that have been driving me a little batty since getting banded.  I had some pizza.  I almost served myself 2 slices and thought better of it.  I began to eat and found that I could only even get down about 1/2 of a piece.  After that I was satiated and didn't even want anymore.  Craving complete.  The other thing I wanted was a sandwich.  Good old regular sandwich.  And I had one.  Well, 1/2 of one.  I'm learning the massive difference between what my brain tells me I want and what my body shows me that I actually need.  It's a big difference too.  Tomorrow I go to get refilled.  I hope we can find my green zone again with this fill.  I pray that I don't have to get stuck 80 times to find my port again.  I might have a breakdown if I do.  And tonight...  in anticipation of restriction, I will have some sushi.  Kill that last little craving and get back on the wagon.  Even though I've been wide open for the span of the holiday, I have managed to only gain a whopping 1 pound.  I anticipated more, but it's looking like I was able to keep it together.  How was everyone else's holiday??

6 Month Bandiversary



I know I'm a couple days late, but Wednesday was my 6 month Bandiversary.  I cannot believe it's been six months.  Here are a few of my achievements having lost 50 pounds thus far:

• I can now put on boots or shoes without struggling to pull my leg up toward me and holding my breath.  I used to be embarrassed to have to put on shoes that took any effort in front of people.  I would intentionally wear easy to slip on and off shoes if I knew I was going to be in front of people to lace or put shoes on.
• I can cross my legs pretty comfortably.  That means without holding up the crossed leg with my hand to keep them folded.  I can also cross at the ankles more comfortably too.  I feel so lady like!! (I no longer sit like a linebacker)
• Pretty much all but a few pairs of jeans are now too big on me!  I need to shop, but I'm hesitant.  I have been blessed with a friend who has had surgery before me (and who's an overachiever in the weightloss dept).  She's been passing down some great in between clothes to me.  Thanks LR!!
• I can go up and down the stairs more comfortably (and quickly!)
• I fit in most chairs easy breezy!
• I can now wear a sweater under my winter coat and not feel like a stuffed sausage!  Oh, and did I mention that I can button my winter coat and still have room??
• Time for new shoes too!  My feet are shrinking! Any excuse to shop...

Those are just a few of the great changes that come to mind.  I am discovering things daily that are making me smile.  For example, last night I was out with two girlfriends, both of which are "small".  One is petite, and a tiny little English elf, and the other is tall, super slim and huge knockers.  Last night for the first time in ages, I didn't feel like the fat friend.  I am still MUCH bigger than either of these two girls, but I felt completely comfortable.  I felt attractive and confident.  Not that I was much of one for a lack of confidence before, but now having the physical confidence to match the personal was a big achievement.  All week I have worn dresses to work, dressed in things I had considered "special occasion" clothes, and felt great about myself. 
So here are a couple pics, a before and now if you will.  I took the pic in the sweater dress on the 6 month anniversary.  Whatchya think?

BEFORE

(Taken 6 days Post-Op)

TODAY

(Taken 6 Month Post-Op)

UGH

Eating is definitely not as fun as it used to be.  I'm not enjoying food the way I used to.  And the past few days, not at all.  I got stuck and puked and now my belly hates me.  Yogurt was no fun this morning.  Even my protein shake wasn't very fun yesterday.  There is no mindless eating now.  None.  I am super aware of everything that goes in my mouth.  I hate this feeling I have right now and will do anything in my power to prevent it happening anymore.  I guess you can say I touched the stove and damnit, it was hot! 

Birthday, Thanksgiving, and an Unfill

I had a fill a couple weeks ago and yes I've lost weight since, but I have been getting sick intermittently.  Like really sick.  So after much contemplation, I have gone back to the doctor for an unfill.  I was definitely in the red zone.  If I was lucky, I might get down about 1/2 cup of food without launching into hurls.  I was only really keeping down soups, over easy eggs, or anything of that consistency.  I was having episodes of heartburn and or regurgitation when I would lay down.  Night cough.  Severe discomfort.  HICCUPS!!!  So off to the doctor I went and she has loosened me up "just a hair" as she said.  I can contest, it worked!  I just had some soup and I had restriction, but no pain or vomiting.  What a relief.  So now tomorrow, I can celebrate my birthday and thanksgiving without yacking all over the place.  These are my fancy birthday party it up nails!  Whatchya think?? (ignore the busted cuticles)

GLITTER!!!!

BMI 40...

I was looking at my BMI on one of those calculator things on lapband.com.  I saw that my Body Mass Index is down from a 48 to a 40, which is still considered morbidly obese, but I am just 0.1 point away from slipping away from "Mobid Obesity" and into the plain ol' "Obese" zone.  I guess I should feel good about this, as I am one step further from being classified as one who might keel over from fatness at any moment, to now just plain ol' fat.  Ha! 
I guess we take our victories where we can find em right??  Happy hump day errybody!  It's all downhill to the weekend. 

Please Help Me Fellow Bandsters!

I'm a very sad lady today.  I got stuck on thursday morning.  Had nothing but fluids the rest of the day as I was feeling rather crummy the rest of the day.  Friday I attempted some eggs in the morning, that went ok.  I just couldn't eat much.  It was uncomfortable.  Soup for lunch, and dinner was very soft.  Still I was in the few bite category.  Late on Friday a friend had french fries so I ate a couple as I was a little hungry.  A while later I was home, had some water and went to bed...  Barely asleep...  I feel slightly unwell.  I start to get out of bed and then it begins,

Yesterday's Pics

I'm one of the least photogenic people I know.  Please forgive the 12 chins and super red face.  I'm easily shy when it comes to being photographed and it took me a lot of courage to ask my coworker to snap these.

Feelin Hot!

I went out with some girlfriends last night to a magazine event in Manhattan last night.  I hadn't planned on going out really, so my outfit was a little mork work casual and a little less night club, but I have to say, I felt cute.  This morning I got up for work and realized that I had forgotten to pick up my laundry from the laundromat.  One of the great benefits of living in NYC is that

Tights... NOT Plus Sized.

I am wearing tights today...  NOT plus sized tights.  They are tights from the ladies department in a size XL.  I don't mind that they are size XL.  Not one bit.  For the simple fact that I am able to wear some cute sweater tights under my dress that are NOT plus sized and did not cost me a fortune is a NSV for me.  I am so damned proud to be wearing these silly tights today.  You couldn't tell me a thing.  Now, if only I could find a pair of boots that would zip up all the way...  That would be a huge accomplishment.  I have 20" calves and there are few companies that make them that big, and the ones that do... well, lets just say that the boots look cheap or manish.  I'll stick to booties in the meanwhile.  Today is a good day.  :-)

Filler up!

It's been a hectic and stressful couple of months around my way.  Thankfully I can say it is starting to ease a bit.  A few weeks back I had gotten an unfill to ease up my band.  With the stress at home, my apparent race to keep up with the speed of others eating around me, and will my lack of chewing skill I was getting stuck left and right.  Then I would absentmindedly chug some water on top of that... No Bueno.  So an unfill to take off some of the stress while I got myself back on track.  It was useful for a while, but as time went on, I noticed that I was able to eat most anything and I found myself pushing the boundaries while stress eating or when I was looking for comfort foods.  I needed to get with the program and realize that I HAD SURGERY FOR CRIPES SAKE.  So I booked an appointment with the nurse practicioner and headed off for a fill.  We decided to put in 0.5 mL.  This is the same amount that we had taken out previously when I felt too tight while under stress.  I was on clear liquids yesterday and today onto soft foods (though I only had a protein shake and a bowl of pea soup so far). 
Basically I had abandoned myself in my journey for a while in persuit of helping a friend.  While it's good to help the people around you, I think it's important to stick to my personal commitments to myself.  THIS WAS A HUGE COMMITMENT!!!  What the heck have I been doing?  So I'm officially back on the wagon.  Go me!

New Clothes!!!

I'm shrinking and so it's getting high time that I buy some new clothes.  I bought this sassy number from asos...

I also bought a couple more...

and...

I'm not quite out of the plus sized section, but I'm pretty sure by the spring I will be.  These dresses should hold me through the winter for work.  I am trying to buy things that I can style with belts, sweaters and such as they get too big.  Being that it's fall/winter, layering is expected so I'm not too worried. 

So how am I doing on the journey?  I have no idea!  I decided to stop stepping on the scale for a while.  I need to give it a break.  I started all this so that I would FEEL better.  Looking better is the bonus.  And the number on the scale is just that... A NUMBER.  I won't let it define my progress.  I'm enjoying watching my clothes get saggy on me.  While it's frustrating when looking for something to wear, it's kind of fun to redefine how I present myself to the world.  I'm so tired of wearing jersey knit and clothes with lycra and stretch!  I want to wear some nice fabrics!  I deserve it.  I work hard for my money and I deserve to feel good in the things that I spend that money on. 

You Haven't Been Kicking Hard Enough!!!

Yeah, I could blame this all on you... my readers...  Not encouraging me enough, or giving me a hard enough time, etc.  But in reality, I am the only one who can take the blame for slacking.  And boy have I been slacking.  I have had a friend staying with me for the past few weeks who is going through a major life crisis.  The kind where exes and children and lawyers are involved.  Things have been massively stressful for him, and as I have a tendency to get personally invested, I too have become stressed, unfocused and bigger.  Not really bigger.  That's an exaggeration, but I have not gotten smaller.  I haven't been working out (nearly at all).  I have been eating a bit poorly.  I have been consuming on average, a bit more booze.  And the stress had also caused my band to be soooo tight that I needed to have an unfill to be able to eat at all.  And now I'm a pig.  So... that being said.  I need to get myself back on track.  I feel as though my life has fallen off track a bit and I need to get focused on getting it together again.  I am committing myself to writing here on every Monday and Friday minimum, as to keep me accountable.  I will resume tracking my food intake daily.  I will also be sure to get moving more, at least 2-3 times a week for starters.  Wish me luck.  I need to keep my head on straight and learn to cope with having a house guest in crisis without taking it all on myself as well.  See you soon with positive reports! (I hope...)

Kick My Pants!

I've been stalled out on my losing for a couple weeks.  Only losing about a pound a week.  I haven't been exercising nearly as much as I should.  I've had some added stress for the last few weeks as well.  At one point I was losing rather quickly and I had been very motivated.  I had set a goal for myself to lose 75 lbs by Thanksgiving (my birthday).  Well needless to say

Devil Inside...

Man o man have I been bad about updating.  I have been really pretty busy the past couple weeks.  I have a close friend going through a personal crisis, and as per usual, I extend myself to those in need around me (almost to a fault at times).  It has been an emotional couple weeks for him (and couple weeks to come for sure as well).  Though his woahs have nothing to do with me really, they definitely have been having an effect on me.  I am seeing that I need to use some of this pent up energy and get more exercise in.  Tonight I plan on

BYOC...

Now on to this weeks, BYOC, courtesy of Draz...

BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy – 5 little questions you can copy and paste to your own blog in an effort to get to know your fellow bloggers better and to give your blogging brain a break.

Enjoy!

1. What is your blog theme and how did you pick your blog name?

Um... I'm not sure that it has a them per se, but I think it looks purdy!  I started my blog as a way to document this transitional period of my life, to give family and friends insight into where my head is at and to maybe get some answers to questions they don't want to ask outright, and lastly a place to vent a little.  I also hope to give a little insight to people who may be considering the lap-band surgery.  I try to be as honest and straightforward about the emotions, physical feelings, the ups and downs and ins and outs of it all.  My blog name "Newtles and Wingdings" is just a combo of a nickname from a friend (newtle) and wingdings is pretty much how I feel most days.  A little bit loopy if you will.

2. Repeat question: I’m going to name a person not knowing anything about this person in your life or even if they exist and you need to try to describe them in five words/phrases. Female neighbor two homes/doors down to the left.

Ugh... do you really want to know?  Prostitute, Crackhead, Unfortunate, Dirty, Nuisance 

Gosh I feel terrible, but sadly, that's the truth.  She's been caught doing illicit things to neighborhood men behind the stairs leading up to her building on a number of occasions.  

3. Which do you hate more? Spiders or snakes. Elliptical or treadmill. Hannah Montana or Lindsay Lohan.

I can take spiders and snakes, but rats... ugh.  This city is filled with them and they are the bane to my existence.  I love elliptical so it's got to be treadmill that I don't love.  Walking on the street is great though!  I could care less about Hannah or Lindsay.  Neither of them really affect my life and I have no children forcing me to watch them to any capacity.

4. When you need something fancy/a dress – what is your go to store and why?

hmmm fancy dress.  I've gotten some nice stuff from Ralph Lauren when it comes to fancy.  I do a lot of online shopping, so it's really kind of all over the place.  

5. Repeat question: How was your week in blog land and in real life?

In blog land I'm getting back on track a little more, but could use to get writing more.  It helps to keep me accountable.  In real life, I've been a little better at avoiding Cory Corallejo, the tequila bandit, Mark of Maker's has poked in my business a bit.  I have been eating a little better.  My father's birthday was yesterday.  He passed away in 2003 and it never seems to be easy when his birthday rolls around.  I get a little weepy.  Now it's on to hurricane prep!  

My Pitfalls...

I would like to introduce you to the two buddies that have been accompanying me on all my adventures in the past couple weeks...  First there is Mr. Corralejo.  Now Cory, as I like to call him, he's a simple guy.  Throw a few limes at this guy and he's a party in a bottle.  He'll have you dancing on stage at a hardcore rock show that you never remember agreeing to go to in the first place.  He'll even have you believing that you actually like the aforementioned hardcore rock band even though you have never in your past ever even liked hardcore music in the first place...  Thanks for the introduction Cory!

Then we have Maker's Mark.  Now Mark is a different kinda fellow.  He's more of a smooth lover.  He makes you all warm and cozy and relaxed inside.  And just when you're least expecting it, he pounces.  He has you feeling all sorts of cooky and wonky and ready to sleep...  right through your alarm clock the next morning.  He's the kinda guy that makes you want to skip work and stay in bed all the next day watching movies.

Now as much fun as I have with Mark and Cory, I need a little time apart from them.  I need to ask them to stop popping up when I'm hanging out or having dinner.  I love these guys, but they're def not helping my booty get any smaller.  So if you see them around, let em know to cut me some slack and to give me some much needed breathing room.  Thanks.

BYOC...

It's FRIDAY so that means it's BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy! Brought to you by the one and only Drazil! We answer a couple of questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy and paste and answer in your own blogs if you'd like!! ENJOY!! 


1. How much makeup do you wear daily, how long does it take you and are you loyal to certain brands?
I don't wear much make-up (and not daily, maybe 2-3 times a week and on special occasions/dates) but when I do I tend to use Chanel for my face and Lancome for my eyes. Oh! and I found this great lipstuff from covergirl.  Its kind of a gloss/stain combo.  It takes me about 5 minutes to put my make-up on start to finish.  I keep it very simple and natural.  Being that I have fair skin and features, I tend to look like a clown if I use very much.  So no false eyelashes or anything fun like that for me. Just your basics.  

2. Repeat question: I’m going to pick a person not knowing your relationship with them (or even if there is one) and you try to describe this person in 5 words/short sentences.Your oldest paternal aunt
I don't have one...


3.  Tell me about your first real kiss and how old you were.
I was in the 5th grade at the monthly rollerskating night when a boy named Matt gave me my first kiss.  It was by the lockers at the end of the night.  He wore speed skates... that meant he was a bad boy.


4. If I gave you $1000.00 and told you that you had to give it to a charity – which charity would you choose and why?
Life Beat (AIDS organization) because my friend Ben is the Executive Director and I know that the money is used properly.

Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
Blogland - I've been a slacker.
Real life - I've been a bigger slacker.  Please someone take the tequila away from me and get me to a gym...

Side by Side??

 I am attempting to do a side by side comparison.  What should be on the left in the blue dress, just 6 days post-op.  I was still a bit swollen. And on the right is me just yesterday, 9 weeks post-op.  I don't know if I see much of

Ah... The Lovely Green Zone...

I will admit, I have been a bit lax on posting compared to usual.  I have been reading other blogs and what not, but being that I was feeling pretty badly, I have slacked up a bit.  I had my second fill of 1.5 on August 1st, bringing me to 4.5 mL.  At first I thought, well wow, this is different...

For the Record

My head is shrinking.  I have been being terrible about taking pics.  I will catch up on them this week.  I just thought I'd let you know though... My head is shrinking.

Am I in the Red Zone?? Help!

I know I've been pretty quiet this week.  I have been having a little trouble since my last fill and have been trying to wade through the water to see if it is just that I need to wait out the problem or if I need to return to the doctor.  

Fill #2

Today I saw my NP for a second fill.  He was saying, you seem to be losing just fine, but I had to admit to him that I had been at the same weight for a few weeks, and up till my teenager-esque drinking binge on Saturday night,

Get to Know Me!

Ok, I'm joining the get-to-know-you thread...  Here you are!!

1. What is your occupation right now ?
I'm working in Microbiology at the #1 hospital in NYC. On the side I have other ventures, mostly in music.  I dabble in booking and consulting for indie labels.

2.What color are your socks right now? 
I love bare feets!

3. What are you listening to right now? 
Frank Ocean has been on repeat in my car, as well as Aloe Blacc.

4. What was the last thing that you ate?

BYOC...

1. Sun or rain? Roses or tulips? Romantic movie or comedy?I love rainy days.  Makes me wanna snuggle up under the covers and relax a bit (something I'm not always good at).
I love tulips.  I remember the first time I got one from a boy.  It was yellow and he left it on my pillow.  It was an apology.  That was 16 years ago and I still remember how special it was.
Can I choose romantic comedy??  I like romantic comedies while it's raining while surrounded by tulips. :-)

2. I've been sick lately and haven't eaten in two days - except for ice cream...which leads me to ask - what's your favorite ice cream flavor?
hmmm...  my old school go to at Baskin Robbins is Jamocha Almond Fudge.  but store bought, I love me some Ben & Jerry's Phish Food or Coffee Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz...  mmm  coffeeee.....

3. Are you a door locker - in your house and car?
ABSOLUTELY.  I live in Brooklyn and I'm from Detroit.  We don't leave our stuff unlocked.

4. In the spirit of my being sick and wanting to die - tell me your "go to remedies" for when you are sick?Tummy ache - Warm Vernor's soda (but that's regional so Canada Dry ginger ale also works)Head ache - Caffeine.  Works like a charm (and is one of the active ingredients in Excedrine)Hangover or Cold - Alka Seltzer Plus
Everything else - a warm or cool wash cloth.  According to my parents this was the cure for all that ailed me as a child and is still a go to.  (I apparently called it my osh cosh).

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
I think my blog life is pretty well reflecting my real life in that I have been much of a spectator and less of a participant.  I have been terrible about exercising until yesterday when I finally went swimming.  I am needing a swift kick in the pants and hope to get it next week at my appt with the NP.  Unless some of y'all could do it first. I would appreciate that...

Falling Behind, Losing Momentum

It's been a pretty busy month, but I can't seem to figure out how.  Ever feel like you're running in place?  Working really hard, but not really going anywhere?  Yeah...  It's kind of like that right now.  I'm trying to find balance, but not doing a very good job of it.  I'm not going to make this post about bitching and moaning though.  I just need to reflect a little.  

I got my first fill on July 13.  I haven't experienced any of the dreaded sliming or PBing that I have heard people talk about.  I have experienced the "stuck" sensation though.

Tequila Meltdown

Well last night I finally had my my meltdown... My tequila meltdown.  I haven't done much drinking since my surgery, and I surely hadn't yet gotten drunk.  For some reason yesterday I got the bug.  I was extra bad with my eating and my boozing.  I had more total calories for one day yesterday than I had at all for one day since May.  My Nurse Practitioner and I had a discussion before my surgery, and we were talking about how just because you have surgery, it doesn't mean that you won't slip up.  You might not be able to have an entire pizza, or package of cookies, but you can definitely find yourself making extra poor choices and feeling a bit like you've fallen off the wagon.  Well yesterday I found that I fell off the wagon, on the ground, run over by the wagon, and chasing after it as I watched it rolling away as I cried "wait up!!".  Gio, my NP warned me that there'd be days like this, and

Daily Changes

This week I hit the one month mark after surgery.  As I am here having my Sunday morning coffee, I started to think about what is different now about my day to day from before I started this journey.  

• I drink tons of water.  I go out of my way to drink as much of it as possible.  Since my surgery, many people have commented that my skin looks so clear (was it not clear before??).  

Stuck!!

I have officially just experienced my first "stuck" moment. What was the cause you ask?? A bite of French Toast. I had one bite, then went back to my oh so healthy plate of poached eggs and as I was about to take a bite I had this sensation of ugh, then ouch, then thought "am I gonna puke?", I didn't feel like wrenching or anything just as though I had something... Well, stuck! I was trying to figure out what to do at this point as I hadn't even had a bite of my own plate. I knew if I tried to eat anything, tree was no chance I could swallow it down. So I figured I'd try and sip something warm. Coffee to the rescue. I sipped little sips and could feel things adjusting and after a minute or two the sensation passed. I was dreading te whole 'sliming' or 'PBing' that I have heard about. I desperately did NOT want to experience that. I'm glad that I have figured out so early that this is a "no" food for me. Buh-bye French toast. It was nice knowing you.

It's Friday... BYOC!

It’s Friday so that means it’s BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer questions today in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire…and ENJOY!!  I've never done one of these but figured hell, why not.

1. Let’s do something crazy….I’m going to list the rainbow colors and you type the first FOOD item that pops into your head that symbolizes that color for you…..here’s mine:

Red – Strawberries
Orange – Navel Oranges
Yellow – Polenta
Green – Fatoush Salad (the peppers inside)
Blue – Blueberries (I'm freezing a bunch now that they are in season, great for smoothies!)
Purple – Pomegranate Juice
Brown – Chocolate Ice Cream
Black – Blackberries

2. What is on your kitchen table right now?My unused crockpot, some green placemats, mail, and a serving tray.  Don't eat at the table much.

3. What movie do you watch again and again and again? Not like what movie have you seen 5 times…but like what movie have you seen 30 times or more?
Grease.  I have been watching it since I was a little girl and will watch it every single time it's on TV.  That and Pretty Woman.  No idea why, I just watch it over and over and over.

4. If Satan had a last name – what would it be?Ketchup

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blogland and in real life.
Got my first fill and I'm adjusting to the feel of it.  I am trying to stay motivated with my exercising and not get discouraged that the scale seems to have gotten stuck recently (couldn't have anything to do with me right??).   I have been pretty good at blogging and learning to break up topics into multiple smaller posts.  Bite size pieces if you will.  

1 Month Bandiversary!

Ladies and Gentleman, I am proud to say I have survived an entire month of being banded!  Tah Dah!!!  It seems like just yesterday I was in tearful conversation with my sister-in-law discussing how I was feeling about my physician's suggestion to be banded.  It feels good to have taken the leap and gone for it.  I am proud to say that I have lost 25 pounds thus far on my journey and after yesterday's fill, I'm sure things will be picking up after a small lull.  Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive so far.  I appreciate you.  I appreciate the readers that have been so kind to comment and leave words of advice and feedback.  Thank you for helping me get this journey going with more support and confidence than I would have, had I decided not to blog.  You guys rock.  

My First Fill!

I just got back from getting my first fill.  What a strange sensation when it was being filled.  It was super subtle but I could feel something changing.  The nurse practitioner had to make 2 attempts to access my port.  I believe that she gets a little skiddish at times, being that when she had to remove my stitch, she was unable to do it, and knicked me a little before giving up and having the surgeon take care of it.  Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with nurse practitioners, I just think this one gets a little self doubting of her abilities at times.  The fill itself was not painful at all.  I did not even feel her insert the needle.  Not even a little bit... either time.  I didn't really even bleed really, just a couple specks on the gauze and that was it.  I am on liquids for the rest of the day, and I have had some water and a protein shake.  I feel the restriction now.  It's going to be weird to see what it feels like once I actually have food.  Any words of advice for a first fill from my veterans??

Intimidation

Today I have a confession.  There are so many things that I avoid due to intimidation.  I know it's probably ridiculous, but I am intimidated by a lot of things.  People who know me and who are reading this are probably thinking "yeah right, Ivy intimidated?", but it is true.  My mother can tell you that in childhood, I was afraid of EVERYTHING.  

Jogging for the First Time!

So I've been back on that Brooklyn Bridge again.  Sunday I got up early, threw on my sneakers and hit the bridge and did 2.7 miles.  I had to explore a bit to find a place to park near there, but once I finally did, I was off and walking.  I have a NSV to report.  I actually JOGGED.  

BOOBS Challenge

Hey gang.  I'm creeping up towards my 1 month bandiversary!  For those of who don't know what BOOBS is, it is a group of Banded Bloggers who have formed a community on these here internets.  

Frustration

I'm going to just say it.  I'm frustrated.  I am at the same weight that I was 2 weeks ago.  I was down to 264 and now I'm up to 266.6.  Now I know for some people, they might say it's only 2 pounds!, but it's frustrating right now.  I had been on a steady path downward in weight and now after moving onto solid food, I'm gaining.  I have not been eating poorly.  I have kept my calorie intake between 1000-1300 calories.  I have had at least 60-80 grams of protein.  I keep my sugar and fat intake on the low side.  I could get more exercise.  Actually, I'm going to get off this computer and go get some more walking in.  Wish me luck.  I want to keep moving in the right direction and that is down, not up!

Pre-Op Video

This is a little video that I shot right before leaving to the hospital on the day of my surgery.  I forgot about it till now but thought I'd share it so that y'all could see how I was feeling the day of.  

Counting Calories & Feeling Lonely

So many things to update.  I've been to the doctor for my first follow up.  I finally got my stitches removed.  Only one of my incisions had an actual stitch that needed removing, but it was right at my bra line and was making me crazy.  Thank goodness it's out!  I've also been to the nutritionist.  I'm off the purees and onto real food again!!!

Gettin My Exercise On!

I can now say that I'm getting back into the swing of things.  Last night, my fellow bandster buddy and I went walking and we did the Brooklyn Bridge.  From end to end the bridge is 1.5 miles, so in total we walked 3 miles last night.  

My Scale is Stuck!! (2 Weeks Post-Op)

Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since my surgery.  I have been on pureed food since the surgery, which for me has mostly been soup, yogurt, protein shakes, and smoothies.  It's been challenging to get in enough calories and proteins each day.  

Creeping Back Towards Normal

Well I'm 9 days out from surgery and I'm starting to feel a bit more like myself.  I'm 5 days away from the stage in my diet where I can progress to soft foods.  I cannot tell you how excited I am for this.  It's not that I want to eat a bunch of bad foods or anything like that.  It is more so that I want something that isn't liquefied in my system.  My digestion is a bit screwy the last week, and I could appreciate some normalcy.  Pardon the bluntness, but I've never really been one to hold back.  


I am down just under 23 lbs as of this morning.  I am excited to watch the numbers go down, and watch my clothes becoming a little more loose.  I've been reading some other people's blogs today.  The difference between reading the blogs pre-surgery and post-surgery is that now, other than jitters and emotions, I have something to connect with.  I am finding comfort in other peoples accounts of the woes and victories, the same or similar woes and victories that I'm facing.  I'm also finding it comforting to see how people felt at the exact same point of progression in this process as I am right now.  Right now, Amy's blog is a big source of comfort for me.  I look at her pictures and see a lot of myself in them.  I also identify with her humor, she's pretty straight forward to say the least, which is also a lot like me.  


This has been a challenging week, as I'm getting back to my routine.  In doing that, I have to make accommodations for the fact that I'm not on solids yet.  I'm also not drinking, which is a big part of my social circle and has been a big change.  I think once I can get some real food in me, I might feel a little more like a normal person again, but until then, it's me, my rumbly tummy, and my liquids...

Surgery Day Breakdown!

Well gang, I'm back to work!  I'm feeling pretty well and back in front of a computer.  I have done small updates from my phone, but honestly didn't feel like looking at a computer for the last week, so I didn't!  I'm back in action though and thought I would give an account of my experience.  So are we ready??  Ok.  Lets go.

4 Days Post-op

I'm 4 days out from surgery and starting to feel a bit more like myself again. Recovery has been pretty smooth for the most part.

3:12am

It is 3:12am and I'm awake. I don't feel so swell. Have the urge to burp but nothing is coming out. Kind of sore. I guess I could take some more pain meds. :-(
I don't feel well.

11:18pm

Finally in from the hospital. I'm banded. Sore. But banded.

Today is the Day!

I'm in the guest room just laying here in bed at my brother's house. I plan on spending a bit of my recovery time out here. I can hear the hustle and bustle of the house as my niece and sister in law get ready for work. I'm not quite ready to get out of bed so I'm just here. Laying. Relaxing. It's hard to imagine that in 8 short hours, I will actually be banded. All that time and anticipation will come to a pinnacle and I will be over that initial peak of the rollercoaster ride of my weight loss journey. Sure there will be other hills, but none are like the first. All of the anticipation and excitement have been building to get to this day. I can just hear the tink... tink... tink... as this coaster creeps to the edge of of that peak. One last little "clink" before the coaster release....

Wish me luck!! Hands are up!!

24 Hours

Let the countdown begin.  I am nervous, excited, nauseated, emotional and tired.  Tomorrow is the big day.

4 days...

Ok, today I have nerves.  I'm anxious.  Anxious nerves.  My stomach hurts.  I am antsy.  That is all... Carry on.

I'm Grouch and Some Great Banded Bloggers

Ok, so it's official.  Today I am absolutely not in the mood for protein shakes.  I do like like them in a jar, I do not like them near or far.  I do not like them in a can, I do not like them Sam I am.  

7 more sleeps to go...

Today I went for my medical clearance exam.  I saw my physician, then was sent for an EKG, Bloods and Urinalysis.  It's a little weird to think that a week from today at this time, instead of sitting in my chair here at work, I will be finished with my surgery and in the recovery room.  (I just got chills).

Go friggin figure!

Decided to go with sushi for my meal today. Picked up my fortune cookie (almost ate it simply out of habit) and this is what it said:


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

12 down and a bunch to go...

12 is my favorite number.  I was so happy to see that I'm down 12 from my top weight.  I am at the end of my first week of this pre-op diet.

Pre-Op Liquid Diet

I am on my fourth day of my pre-op diet so I have tried a number of shakes.  I have tried pre-mixed and powder and I am starting to have my faves and not so favorites. 

I like you when you give me cookies!!

Yeah. I'm having a bit of a cookie meltdown. I waited too long to eat dinner today. I just finished day 3 and I want cookies.

So Hungry...

I survived day one of my liquid diet.  By the time dinner time rolled around, I wanted to eat my own arm. 

T-minus

75 minutes and counting. I feel as though I'm finally approaching the starting line for my race.

Creeping up on the protein shakes

Today is the last day before I start my pre-op diet. Memorial Day weekend has been nice and relaxing and now my excitement is starting to build.

Tic Tic Tic...

Five days from now I'll be suckin down protein shakes rather than food.  So the next four, I will be enjoying alcohol, meat, bread and all that will be winding down in my life for a while.

Tense

My pro-op diet starts on May 31.  Just 8 days away.  Things feel like they're becoming more and more real as the days pass. 

It's a Go!!!

Surgery date has been set.  June 14 is a go.  Memorial Day is the last day before my Pre-Op diet.  

The waiting game...

Back in the waiting room. Nutrition and NP appointments up now. I hate the smell of waiting rooms. They get me all anxious and stuff. Official date will be set today. Eeee!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Before

So I guess I should post a "Before" picture.  I took this in the reflection of a window. 

I'm officially NOT crazy!!

Psych evaluation is complete.  It was actually really nice to talk to this guy.  I was able to look at the whole picture a bit.  We talked about my history with weight issues and how they are related emotionally/mentally to my decision. 
 He asked a few questions at the end about my mental health history.  It was not a terrible experience by any means.  Not that I really expected it to be, but you can sometimes allow yourself to let your imagination run wild.  I had it in my noggin, this picture of myself trying desperately to convince this guy that I wasn't crazy for wanting to let someone go so far as to cut me open and put a device in me to make me stop eating.  No I'm not crazy at all!  Maybe I do think I'm a little nutty for it.  But, as anyone who knows me will probably attest, I am a little wackadoodle. 

Now, last stop will be on Thursday.  Back out to NJ for Nutrition and Pre-Op/Post-Op instructions and we set a date.  I'm so very ready!!

I'm not crazy... really...

Psych evaluation tomorrow.  Hope they don't catch onto me...

Meet the Surgeon

I finally did it!  I met my surgeon. 

Waiting Room

Why are my hands shaky?

Consultation Day!!

I'm at my desk at work just counting down the time till I leave for my appt. 

Planning for Recovery

I was having an anxious week.  Work was getting to me a bit and my nerves were feeling a bit frayed. 

Patience

In six days I'll be at the doctor.  I was told by one of the residents that has been in the ER with her that she likes to listen to some good music while she works. 

Hungry Hungry Hippos

This made me laugh hard.  I saw it on another blogger's site and it cracked me up.  I hope SOMEONE... ANYONE... will find it as funny as I did...

Last Times

Now that I'm closing in on my appointment wit the surgeon, I'm realizing that at certain restaurants or particular meals, it may very well be the last time I have some of the things I'm eating.

Cleaning House

Went for an early morning walk today. I have been trying to exercise whenever I can. I know that this will help not only in the weight loss process but I've been told it will make my recovery a bit easier.

Flipping the Switch

Suffered a bit of insomnia last night.  Had a belly ache that I think was induced by the nerves that I mentioned yesterday.  I had wanted things to hurry up and now that they are, I had a moment of panic.