Monday, September 12, 2011

Devil Inside...

Man o man have I been bad about updating.  I have been really pretty busy the past couple weeks.  I have a close friend going through a personal crisis, and as per usual, I extend myself to those in need around me (almost to a fault at times).  It has been an emotional couple weeks for him (and couple weeks to come for sure as well).  Though his woahs have nothing to do with me really, they definitely have been having an effect on me.  I am seeing that I need to use some of this pent up energy and get more exercise in.  Tonight I plan on
doing just that when I get out for the day.  I'm going to walk to my car (I usually take the shuttle from work to the garage).  When I get home I'm going to throw on some yoga pants and walk to the supermarket and pick up some goodies to make dinner with, then walk back and get to cooking.  I need a little time for a walk to clear my head and shake off some of the crazy energy that's been stirring about.  I've been slow to losing this past couple weeks.  Nothing ridiculous, but I've been dropping 1-2 lbs a week, which I know is a healthy safe rate.  I have been bad about getting enough exercise, as I've been more focused on things going on around me rather than myself.  I feel extra tired as of late, and I'm not sure if it's because I'm a bit emotionally tapped, or not eating well or often enough, or just bad about my vitamins.  Who knows.  I did however have a moment of sorts this week. I admitted out loud, to a man, that I have a food addiction.  I just came out with it.  I didn't hesitate.  I didn't stumble.  I just admitted it.  He was talking about his cigarette addiction, and I said we all have our "thing".  He asked what mine was and I out and said it.  FOOD.  I am addicted to food.  Only problem is, I have to have mine to survive.  Food addiction is a tricky thing.  It's not like drugs.  You don't tell a heroin addict that they have to shoot up three times a day.  Unfortunately, I have to eat to survive, and therefore have to face my demon multiple times a day.  It is the ultimate test of willpower.  How badly do I want to overcome it.  I face that test every. single. day.   Food is a comfort.  Food is exciting.  Food just plain tastes good and fires some pretty awesome chemicals in the brain when you enjoy it.  This was a tough thing for me to do and I'm very proud of myself....  Until the next meal comes around and I have to face it all over again.  Wish me luck.


  1. Hey Jammy Dancer, I can relate! You did great admitting your food addiction...and what's more, you got banded which is a serious move toward health and peace I'd say. I'm reading your blog and cheering you on. (p.s. I'm a 5th generation Brooklynite on my dad's living out of NYC but Bklyn will always be home.)

  2. wow! i hear you on the comparison between heroin and food and not being able to go "cold turkey" on food.

    1-2 lbs. a week is great...keep doing what you are doing!

  3. Food is such an issue for me as well-I am just now starting to think of nutritional value of my meals, You are doing well with your weight loss, Isn't the mind a weird thing!!!

  4. Ladies, you have no idea how nice it was to see your comments. (Welcome Melissa! Thanks for the support! Love me some Brooklynites!) I've been struggling a bit the past week, been getting stuck a bit. I have a visit with the NP today. Hopefully he can convince me that I'm not crazy and that this is all gonna be ok.