New Job, Mom's Rock & 8 Weeks Post-Op

Tomorrow is my 8 week mark post-revision to the sleeve.  I am still chugging along.  They say, slow and steady wins the race right?  (I keep telling myself that hoping I'll believe it one of these times)  Things are progressing, albeit slow.  I've been about 210 for a little bit now.  I admit, I haven't planned nearly as much as I should lately.  I KNOW that I do better when I plan, but that hasn't been the case much.  I have some non-scale victories to report though!  My mom is super sweet and the cutest thing ever.  She sent me $100 to get a few new items to wear to my new job (I'll get to that in a minute...).  In NYC, $100 doesn't usually go very far, so I took my ass to Target and hit the mark down racks, then to Old Navy and hit up whatever sales were going on.  Here is me 8-weeks post op, taking a pic to send to my mom to prove I was buying clothes with her money and not making student loan payments:

Now here is my victory.  I am wearing size 16 pants in this pic (don't mind the crazy hair day I'm having, I think I used a fork for a comb or something), and the pants are actually a little too big!  Not only that, both the top and the sweater are size large and fit just fine!  NO XL's or XXL's here!!  That's a first!  I don't know how long it's been since I was able to be totally out of the XL zone.  I'm shrinking before my very own eyes!  Even though the scale isn't screaming "you've made it to the 100's!" just yet, my body is whispering (...you're almost there!).  I am committing in the very moment to go walking a minimum of 3 lunchtimes this week.  

I mentioned a little while back that I was interviewing for a new position in my hospital where I work.  Well I got the job!!  Woot!!  I gave my 2-week notice and will be starting my new position on October 14.  I am very excited to move on to something more challenging.  Of course this means tons more work, with not a huge pay increase, but I'm hoping that I will be able to prove myself important enough very soon to get a promotion that my new boss said we will have to get the compensation department to note and pay me accordingly.  All in all this has been an excellent couple of weeks.  I have been totally distracted from meal planning and school because of all this new job business, but I'm prepping to have a great fall season.  Squash recipes await!

Big Day Today!

I saw the surgeon today and we have officially submitted to insurance for approval for my revision to the Gastric Sleeve.  I reviewed the insurance requirements and I fit all of the outlined requirements.  I just have to pray to the universe that I get a good natured insurance worker to look at my request with a kind heart and say "well of course she's approved".  That is what I am putting into the universe to happen.  I should hear from them within the next week.  If all goes well I will have my revision at the end of July or beginning of August.  Just enough time to heal and get back in shape for school in the fall.  For now, I have to get back to the pre-op days of getting myself ready for the liquid diet and all that other jazz.  Keep your collective fingers crossed for me.  I can use all the positive energy you can all muster.

Insurance Companies Suck the Life Out of Everything

I've been trying to get myself to blog for a week or so now.  I've been wrestling with the emotions that have come up since my insurance company denied my revision surgery.  That's right, you heard me correctly.  I will not be having revision surgery, at least not any time soon.  I have been denied.  At first I was denied because they said that my BMI did not meet the requirement of 40.  Mind you my BMI at the time of my last visit was 39.6.  3 lousy pounds more and I would be a 40.  I ate some ice cream.  Voila 40!  Then my surgeon had a peer to peer call with my company and they then denied me based on the fact that it hasn't not been 2 years since my lap band surgery.  That point is 9 months from now.  Even if I hit the 2 year mark, I would still need to have a BMI of 40 for revision and that would mean not losing a single pound from now till June.  WTF.  So even if I do wait, I have to try not to lose any weight lest I be too small to fix this device in me??  Needless to say I am frustrated.  I've gotten past the depression that initially came and after fits of trying to find alternate ways to deal with this (including self pay at $23,000, or going to Mexico for surgery a more modest $5,000~~which my boyfriend vehemently disapproved of), I have finally come up for air and am dealing with this with a clearer head. 

I decided to give the band yet ANOTHER shot to get me sick to give me restriction.  I have had numerous fills and unfills and at the present have a whopping 1cc in my band.  I'm going to have the doctor give me a TINY fill on the 20th.  I decided to proceed with my pre-op diet just as I would have if I were to have gone ahead with the surgery.  I figure this will give me a little kickstart in the downward direction of losing.  On monday I started the mostly liquid diet and am currently down 4.6 lbs in 5 days.  I haven't been SUPER strict with the diet, but have been following it pretty closely.  It's friday, and the weekends are usually a little tough for me, but I'm determined.  I am also going to join the YMCA this weekend with my man.  We made the decision to be healthier together.  I think it will be a good thing to have something health centered in our relationship too.  So here I go again.  Wish me luck.  Oh, and here's a pic of myself and the man-o-mine on the beach a couple weeks back.  My sexy beast over there.  Yeah, I still have a crush after all this time.

Ups & Downs

It's been a bit of a tough week.  I have been really excited to see the scale moving in the right direction (and consistently at that), however, I had a terrible episode this weekend that resulted in me having to be seen emergently and having all of my fluid removed from my band.  This most recent fill which was about 6 weeks ago, I had a small amount of fluid added to my band.  It was jussst enough to get me to my green zone.  Tight enough to keep me from going overboard, loose enough that I was comfortable eating without much trouble... Until last week. 

6 Month Bandiversary



I know I'm a couple days late, but Wednesday was my 6 month Bandiversary.  I cannot believe it's been six months.  Here are a few of my achievements having lost 50 pounds thus far:

• I can now put on boots or shoes without struggling to pull my leg up toward me and holding my breath.  I used to be embarrassed to have to put on shoes that took any effort in front of people.  I would intentionally wear easy to slip on and off shoes if I knew I was going to be in front of people to lace or put shoes on.
• I can cross my legs pretty comfortably.  That means without holding up the crossed leg with my hand to keep them folded.  I can also cross at the ankles more comfortably too.  I feel so lady like!! (I no longer sit like a linebacker)
• Pretty much all but a few pairs of jeans are now too big on me!  I need to shop, but I'm hesitant.  I have been blessed with a friend who has had surgery before me (and who's an overachiever in the weightloss dept).  She's been passing down some great in between clothes to me.  Thanks LR!!
• I can go up and down the stairs more comfortably (and quickly!)
• I fit in most chairs easy breezy!
• I can now wear a sweater under my winter coat and not feel like a stuffed sausage!  Oh, and did I mention that I can button my winter coat and still have room??
• Time for new shoes too!  My feet are shrinking! Any excuse to shop...

Those are just a few of the great changes that come to mind.  I am discovering things daily that are making me smile.  For example, last night I was out with two girlfriends, both of which are "small".  One is petite, and a tiny little English elf, and the other is tall, super slim and huge knockers.  Last night for the first time in ages, I didn't feel like the fat friend.  I am still MUCH bigger than either of these two girls, but I felt completely comfortable.  I felt attractive and confident.  Not that I was much of one for a lack of confidence before, but now having the physical confidence to match the personal was a big achievement.  All week I have worn dresses to work, dressed in things I had considered "special occasion" clothes, and felt great about myself. 
So here are a couple pics, a before and now if you will.  I took the pic in the sweater dress on the 6 month anniversary.  Whatchya think?

BEFORE

(Taken 6 days Post-Op)

TODAY

(Taken 6 Month Post-Op)

Birthday, Thanksgiving, and an Unfill

I had a fill a couple weeks ago and yes I've lost weight since, but I have been getting sick intermittently.  Like really sick.  So after much contemplation, I have gone back to the doctor for an unfill.  I was definitely in the red zone.  If I was lucky, I might get down about 1/2 cup of food without launching into hurls.  I was only really keeping down soups, over easy eggs, or anything of that consistency.  I was having episodes of heartburn and or regurgitation when I would lay down.  Night cough.  Severe discomfort.  HICCUPS!!!  So off to the doctor I went and she has loosened me up "just a hair" as she said.  I can contest, it worked!  I just had some soup and I had restriction, but no pain or vomiting.  What a relief.  So now tomorrow, I can celebrate my birthday and thanksgiving without yacking all over the place.  These are my fancy birthday party it up nails!  Whatchya think?? (ignore the busted cuticles)

GLITTER!!!!

BMI 40...

I was looking at my BMI on one of those calculator things on lapband.com.  I saw that my Body Mass Index is down from a 48 to a 40, which is still considered morbidly obese, but I am just 0.1 point away from slipping away from "Mobid Obesity" and into the plain ol' "Obese" zone.  I guess I should feel good about this, as I am one step further from being classified as one who might keel over from fatness at any moment, to now just plain ol' fat.  Ha! 
I guess we take our victories where we can find em right??  Happy hump day errybody!  It's all downhill to the weekend. 

Tights... NOT Plus Sized.

I am wearing tights today...  NOT plus sized tights.  They are tights from the ladies department in a size XL.  I don't mind that they are size XL.  Not one bit.  For the simple fact that I am able to wear some cute sweater tights under my dress that are NOT plus sized and did not cost me a fortune is a NSV for me.  I am so damned proud to be wearing these silly tights today.  You couldn't tell me a thing.  Now, if only I could find a pair of boots that would zip up all the way...  That would be a huge accomplishment.  I have 20" calves and there are few companies that make them that big, and the ones that do... well, lets just say that the boots look cheap or manish.  I'll stick to booties in the meanwhile.  Today is a good day.  :-)

Filler up!

It's been a hectic and stressful couple of months around my way.  Thankfully I can say it is starting to ease a bit.  A few weeks back I had gotten an unfill to ease up my band.  With the stress at home, my apparent race to keep up with the speed of others eating around me, and will my lack of chewing skill I was getting stuck left and right.  Then I would absentmindedly chug some water on top of that... No Bueno.  So an unfill to take off some of the stress while I got myself back on track.  It was useful for a while, but as time went on, I noticed that I was able to eat most anything and I found myself pushing the boundaries while stress eating or when I was looking for comfort foods.  I needed to get with the program and realize that I HAD SURGERY FOR CRIPES SAKE.  So I booked an appointment with the nurse practicioner and headed off for a fill.  We decided to put in 0.5 mL.  This is the same amount that we had taken out previously when I felt too tight while under stress.  I was on clear liquids yesterday and today onto soft foods (though I only had a protein shake and a bowl of pea soup so far). 
Basically I had abandoned myself in my journey for a while in persuit of helping a friend.  While it's good to help the people around you, I think it's important to stick to my personal commitments to myself.  THIS WAS A HUGE COMMITMENT!!!  What the heck have I been doing?  So I'm officially back on the wagon.  Go me!

My Pitfalls...

I would like to introduce you to the two buddies that have been accompanying me on all my adventures in the past couple weeks...  First there is Mr. Corralejo.  Now Cory, as I like to call him, he's a simple guy.  Throw a few limes at this guy and he's a party in a bottle.  He'll have you dancing on stage at a hardcore rock show that you never remember agreeing to go to in the first place.  He'll even have you believing that you actually like the aforementioned hardcore rock band even though you have never in your past ever even liked hardcore music in the first place...  Thanks for the introduction Cory!

Then we have Maker's Mark.  Now Mark is a different kinda fellow.  He's more of a smooth lover.  He makes you all warm and cozy and relaxed inside.  And just when you're least expecting it, he pounces.  He has you feeling all sorts of cooky and wonky and ready to sleep...  right through your alarm clock the next morning.  He's the kinda guy that makes you want to skip work and stay in bed all the next day watching movies.

Now as much fun as I have with Mark and Cory, I need a little time apart from them.  I need to ask them to stop popping up when I'm hanging out or having dinner.  I love these guys, but they're def not helping my booty get any smaller.  So if you see them around, let em know to cut me some slack and to give me some much needed breathing room.  Thanks.

Side by Side??

 I am attempting to do a side by side comparison.  What should be on the left in the blue dress, just 6 days post-op.  I was still a bit swollen. And on the right is me just yesterday, 9 weeks post-op.  I don't know if I see much of

Ah... The Lovely Green Zone...

I will admit, I have been a bit lax on posting compared to usual.  I have been reading other blogs and what not, but being that I was feeling pretty badly, I have slacked up a bit.  I had my second fill of 1.5 on August 1st, bringing me to 4.5 mL.  At first I thought, well wow, this is different...

Am I in the Red Zone?? Help!

I know I've been pretty quiet this week.  I have been having a little trouble since my last fill and have been trying to wade through the water to see if it is just that I need to wait out the problem or if I need to return to the doctor.  

Fill #2

Today I saw my NP for a second fill.  He was saying, you seem to be losing just fine, but I had to admit to him that I had been at the same weight for a few weeks, and up till my teenager-esque drinking binge on Saturday night,

Falling Behind, Losing Momentum

It's been a pretty busy month, but I can't seem to figure out how.  Ever feel like you're running in place?  Working really hard, but not really going anywhere?  Yeah...  It's kind of like that right now.  I'm trying to find balance, but not doing a very good job of it.  I'm not going to make this post about bitching and moaning though.  I just need to reflect a little.  

I got my first fill on July 13.  I haven't experienced any of the dreaded sliming or PBing that I have heard people talk about.  I have experienced the "stuck" sensation though.

Tequila Meltdown

Well last night I finally had my my meltdown... My tequila meltdown.  I haven't done much drinking since my surgery, and I surely hadn't yet gotten drunk.  For some reason yesterday I got the bug.  I was extra bad with my eating and my boozing.  I had more total calories for one day yesterday than I had at all for one day since May.  My Nurse Practitioner and I had a discussion before my surgery, and we were talking about how just because you have surgery, it doesn't mean that you won't slip up.  You might not be able to have an entire pizza, or package of cookies, but you can definitely find yourself making extra poor choices and feeling a bit like you've fallen off the wagon.  Well yesterday I found that I fell off the wagon, on the ground, run over by the wagon, and chasing after it as I watched it rolling away as I cried "wait up!!".  Gio, my NP warned me that there'd be days like this, and

Daily Changes

This week I hit the one month mark after surgery.  As I am here having my Sunday morning coffee, I started to think about what is different now about my day to day from before I started this journey.  

• I drink tons of water.  I go out of my way to drink as much of it as possible.  Since my surgery, many people have commented that my skin looks so clear (was it not clear before??).  

Stuck!!

I have officially just experienced my first "stuck" moment. What was the cause you ask?? A bite of French Toast. I had one bite, then went back to my oh so healthy plate of poached eggs and as I was about to take a bite I had this sensation of ugh, then ouch, then thought "am I gonna puke?", I didn't feel like wrenching or anything just as though I had something... Well, stuck! I was trying to figure out what to do at this point as I hadn't even had a bite of my own plate. I knew if I tried to eat anything, tree was no chance I could swallow it down. So I figured I'd try and sip something warm. Coffee to the rescue. I sipped little sips and could feel things adjusting and after a minute or two the sensation passed. I was dreading te whole 'sliming' or 'PBing' that I have heard about. I desperately did NOT want to experience that. I'm glad that I have figured out so early that this is a "no" food for me. Buh-bye French toast. It was nice knowing you.

1 Month Bandiversary!

Ladies and Gentleman, I am proud to say I have survived an entire month of being banded!  Tah Dah!!!  It seems like just yesterday I was in tearful conversation with my sister-in-law discussing how I was feeling about my physician's suggestion to be banded.  It feels good to have taken the leap and gone for it.  I am proud to say that I have lost 25 pounds thus far on my journey and after yesterday's fill, I'm sure things will be picking up after a small lull.  Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive so far.  I appreciate you.  I appreciate the readers that have been so kind to comment and leave words of advice and feedback.  Thank you for helping me get this journey going with more support and confidence than I would have, had I decided not to blog.  You guys rock.  

My First Fill!

I just got back from getting my first fill.  What a strange sensation when it was being filled.  It was super subtle but I could feel something changing.  The nurse practitioner had to make 2 attempts to access my port.  I believe that she gets a little skiddish at times, being that when she had to remove my stitch, she was unable to do it, and knicked me a little before giving up and having the surgeon take care of it.  Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with nurse practitioners, I just think this one gets a little self doubting of her abilities at times.  The fill itself was not painful at all.  I did not even feel her insert the needle.  Not even a little bit... either time.  I didn't really even bleed really, just a couple specks on the gauze and that was it.  I am on liquids for the rest of the day, and I have had some water and a protein shake.  I feel the restriction now.  It's going to be weird to see what it feels like once I actually have food.  Any words of advice for a first fill from my veterans??