Suffered a bit of insomnia last night. Had a belly ache that I think was induced by the nerves that I mentioned yesterday. I had wanted things to hurry up and now that they are, I had a moment of panic.I feel a bit better today. I had some time (while not sleeping) to process some of what I am feeling. I'm nervous and excited and a little bit scared. The scared part isn't really like a deep seeded fear or anything. I think it's mostly just a small fear of the surgery itself, coupled by that small little part of me that says, gosh I hope I'm making the right decision. I don't think that anyone can say that they feel 100% in these types of situations. I feel about 98%, and that other 2% isn't nearly enough to make me second guess myself. It just manifests as the "oh my gosh" that pops up here and there.
So I am finding that I have already started to shift my mindset a bit now that I've made my choice. I am becoming more aware of what goes into my mouth at each meal, and snack, and graze... I pay more attention to each bite, how big it is, how many times and how long I chew, what it feels like when I finally swallow. I notice the portion size on my plate. Though I haven't quite made a big shift in my portion size, I am definitely becoming more aware of what is put before me in a restaurant, or what I dish up for myself on my own. I also have begun to take notice to anything I drink. I'm not much of a sugary drink kinda gal. The only time I typically drink any soda is when I mix my Maker's Mark with a little splash of ginger ale. Otherwise, I'm not big into sweetened drinks.
Another thing that I've been aware of is that I've stopped making clothing purchases unless the item is specifically for my recovery period or something that I will for sure be able to wear 50lbs from now. I am visualizing what my new shape is going to look like and I don't want to get things that do not reflect the me that I am to become. I am trying to relish in the last times of living a little carelessly when it comes to eating right now because I know what is to come. Not to say that I'm gorging myself and being a glutton, I'm just living quite regularly until I see the surgeon and absolutely have to make the switch. Watch out switch... Here I come.