MASSIVE UNFILL... On the holidays??

I made it into the green zone!!!  Yayyyy!!!... scrrrrrrrrrrrt... Let's not celebrate too quickly.  I was sooo in the green zone.  I was happy, restricted, losing and all was right with the world.  Then I had a bite of steak.  Motherlovin steak.  The minute I swallowed it, I knew it was a problem.  I felt it moving down my gullet and thinking, please don't get stuck... please... please...  And of course.  Stuck.  I felt all sorts of stuck, so I just didn't eat.  At all.  Fluids for 2 days thinking that the steak had passed and that maybe I was just a bit inflammed.  NOPE.  After being stuck for about 4-5 days and getting inflammed to the point that water wouldn't go down, I relented.  I went to the doctor.  We decided to take out a large amount of fluid.  December 22.  I was so disappointed that I had effed up my newfound green zone over a dagnamit piece of steak that I didn't really want in the first place.  So I had a massive unfill.  They took me way down and had me drinking mass amounts of fluid to dislodge any and everything stuck up in my belly.  Unfortunately, it took about 7 or 8 sticks to get into my port.  I have a massive bruise about 3 inches in diameter in the middle of my belly.  Hematoma central.  Ugly as all get out.

I spent the holiday with a band that is wide open.  Surprisingly, I ate pretty darn well.  I must say that my habits are definitely changing.  Even though I knew that I could eat any and everything I wanted, I did keep it pretty tame.  I did take the opportunity to get a couple cravings out of the way that have been driving me a little batty since getting banded.  I had some pizza.  I almost served myself 2 slices and thought better of it.  I began to eat and found that I could only even get down about 1/2 of a piece.  After that I was satiated and didn't even want anymore.  Craving complete.  The other thing I wanted was a sandwich.  Good old regular sandwich.  And I had one.  Well, 1/2 of one.  I'm learning the massive difference between what my brain tells me I want and what my body shows me that I actually need.  It's a big difference too.  Tomorrow I go to get refilled.  I hope we can find my green zone again with this fill.  I pray that I don't have to get stuck 80 times to find my port again.  I might have a breakdown if I do.  And tonight...  in anticipation of restriction, I will have some sushi.  Kill that last little craving and get back on the wagon.  Even though I've been wide open for the span of the holiday, I have managed to only gain a whopping 1 pound.  I anticipated more, but it's looking like I was able to keep it together.  How was everyone else's holiday??

6 Month Bandiversary



I know I'm a couple days late, but Wednesday was my 6 month Bandiversary.  I cannot believe it's been six months.  Here are a few of my achievements having lost 50 pounds thus far:

• I can now put on boots or shoes without struggling to pull my leg up toward me and holding my breath.  I used to be embarrassed to have to put on shoes that took any effort in front of people.  I would intentionally wear easy to slip on and off shoes if I knew I was going to be in front of people to lace or put shoes on.
• I can cross my legs pretty comfortably.  That means without holding up the crossed leg with my hand to keep them folded.  I can also cross at the ankles more comfortably too.  I feel so lady like!! (I no longer sit like a linebacker)
• Pretty much all but a few pairs of jeans are now too big on me!  I need to shop, but I'm hesitant.  I have been blessed with a friend who has had surgery before me (and who's an overachiever in the weightloss dept).  She's been passing down some great in between clothes to me.  Thanks LR!!
• I can go up and down the stairs more comfortably (and quickly!)
• I fit in most chairs easy breezy!
• I can now wear a sweater under my winter coat and not feel like a stuffed sausage!  Oh, and did I mention that I can button my winter coat and still have room??
• Time for new shoes too!  My feet are shrinking! Any excuse to shop...

Those are just a few of the great changes that come to mind.  I am discovering things daily that are making me smile.  For example, last night I was out with two girlfriends, both of which are "small".  One is petite, and a tiny little English elf, and the other is tall, super slim and huge knockers.  Last night for the first time in ages, I didn't feel like the fat friend.  I am still MUCH bigger than either of these two girls, but I felt completely comfortable.  I felt attractive and confident.  Not that I was much of one for a lack of confidence before, but now having the physical confidence to match the personal was a big achievement.  All week I have worn dresses to work, dressed in things I had considered "special occasion" clothes, and felt great about myself. 
So here are a couple pics, a before and now if you will.  I took the pic in the sweater dress on the 6 month anniversary.  Whatchya think?

BEFORE

(Taken 6 days Post-Op)

TODAY

(Taken 6 Month Post-Op)

UGH

Eating is definitely not as fun as it used to be.  I'm not enjoying food the way I used to.  And the past few days, not at all.  I got stuck and puked and now my belly hates me.  Yogurt was no fun this morning.  Even my protein shake wasn't very fun yesterday.  There is no mindless eating now.  None.  I am super aware of everything that goes in my mouth.  I hate this feeling I have right now and will do anything in my power to prevent it happening anymore.  I guess you can say I touched the stove and damnit, it was hot!